All I want for Xmas is… for you to guess what I need. Unspoken needs in relationships

There’s a quiet assumption we all make in relationships:

“If you love me… you should just know.” Or notice… or guess, as a last resort. But do guess well!

Even my dog did it to me recently. He looked at me with this complete trust and expectation, like I had the answer for what he needs right now.

No clues. I tried it all: food, water, walk, toy, cuddles…

He kept looking. Then he lowered his head and lay down in disappointment. I felt so sad, so much guilt. As if I’d failed because I couldn’t solve a puzzle…

Could this be our quiet relationship trap?

We hope people (especially the close ones) will notice our tension. Decode our silence. Read between the lines.

And when they don’t… we feel unseen. Unspoken needs become a test. And tests quietly create distance or even resentment.

So I ask myself: Am I hoping to be “worked out”?

Yes.

Is this an unspoken need or a hidden expectation?

Sometimes both.

Have I made a clear request or a silent test?

If I’m honest… both.

So, here’s the sentence I’m practising now instead of “you should just know”:

“I’m feeling ____.” Just naming, out loud, what’s going on and letting the other person be part of the confusion.

You can even upgrade it one level:

Name the need: “I need reassurance / space / support/ money.”

That’s fair. It gives the other person a real chance to meet you instead of guessing and failing. And it saves relationships from unnecessary disappointment. And it makes you responsible for staying in touch with your true inner world.

What’s one need you’ve been hoping “that someone” will notice… but haven’t said out loud?

What do you REALLY want for Xmas? 🎄

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